Why?

Have you ever wanted something so bad, but could never have it?
I feel tired, hopeless, lost, confused, hurt.
I thank God everyday for Gabriel, because I sure could not go through this alone.

I have been listening to a lot of Keane lately. The song, "somewhere only we know" is playing over and over in my head.

"Somewhere Only We Know"

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

I know I need to learn to lean more on God, but it is so hard. I almost feel a little betrayed. Like I did trust God, and I thought I heard his voice, I really did. But I was wrong. It's not my time, I guess. Will my time come? When? Please, God?